Perceptions

When I sit down to journal, I often know in what direction I am going with my thoughts. Occasionally, I do write in the stream of consciousness, but this is one of those times where I am have a specific point in mind. For those reading, I ask you to bear with me. I know that it is likely to read like I am thumping my own chest, proclaiming my awesome-ness. Just hang on though; there is something much deeper to this entry.
Recently I have had the opportunity for several friends from various social circles and family to share with me their honest thoughts on how they perceive me. It has been a very eye-opening experience, and I value their honesty and directness.
I belong to a small message board, maybe 20 or so active posters. All of us are moms, some of us stay at home, others work, some tend to be very "granola" others rather traditional. Christian, unchurched. A military wife, a divorcee. Republicans, democrats, and a few "who cares." Most of us have not met (though I am excited that will be remedied June 2010!), but we have maintained this very unique, precious friendship for nearly 4 years.
Anyway, we recently had a thread where we shared our perceptions of each other. The common thoughts regarding me was that I am deeply spiritual, passionate about those things that I believe, I thoroughly look at both sides of a situation before making an informed decision, but that I am respectful and supportive of those that choose differently than me. I think that a lot of them think that I am smarter than what I really am though; maybe I fake smart pretty well.<br />I compared this to a conversation I had with my mother the last time I was home. She shared her perceptions of me, and they were markedly different than my online friends. She didn't mention anything about my intelligence or my faith. She didn't comment on how I make decisions. Nope. Instead she said that when she thinks of me, she thinks that I am one of the most giving people she knows, and she values that I give without the expectation of receiving anything in return. She said she is proud of me for being selfless and sacrificing, but making sure that I put my family needs first.
Then there have been those bits and pieces of conversations of friends from high school. One mentioned that he thought I was one of the few people that truly cared about him. Another mentioned that I was an exceptionally positive influence on his life. Others commented on the fact that they always thought I was incredibly kind to people, even the "social dregs" of high school.
Many of my church family keep telling me I have a servant's heart. That I give with love and joy and serve in a way that does not shirk a task. They value my dedication to the areas in which I serve and volunteer. A mom yesterday made the comment that she is amazed by all the things I do at Stay n Play and that I am always so cheerful.

And then there are the perceptions of my daughter. I realize that people tend to get so wrapped up in what other people think of them, but really what matters most is how children perceive their parents. The same message board I mentioned earlier suggested a child interview to complete. I gave the survey to Evie and was completely amazed that many of her responses indicated that she sees me as loving- to her, to our family, and to others. I realize she is only four and that her perceptions will certainly change as she ages, but right now, in this moment, she feels, sees, and bathes in love.

So all of these perceptions, all so different. Granted it is because some know me better than others, for a longer time or in a different light. For online relationships is next to impossible to truly know a person because you miss out on a huge part of non-verbal communication, tone is missed and misunderstood, and you do not get to see them live their life in the real. But the point is that all of these perceptions of me brought to light a different side of me, but all were so kind.

So I said there was more to this entry than just to toot my own horn. Here it is...
I am blown away by the people I am blessed to have in my life. They are people who obviously see the best in others. They don't degrade, nit-pick, or gossip. They don't tear someone down in order to build themselves up. I am so fortunate to consistently have such good-hearted people in my life. They see the best in me, and forgive my MANY faults.
I think I can say that this is a mutual aspect of our relationships. I have surrounded myself with people who love and forgive, and because of that it strengthens my own ability to love and forgive as well. Bitterness breeds bitterness, love breeds love.

"A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

Thank you, my friends, for keeping the grain and discarding the chaff